Maybe a grown baby

Now who doesn’t. to live in a world filled with lively. sweet .creatures. beautiful façade. picture perfect family. An idealistic painter. Me. that’s if I can paint.

Still seeing. I-am-still-Angry boldly printed on Dad’s forehead. Havn’t spoken to him since. Least he’s no more raving hysterically. Mum’s logical reason..Menopause. And probably the last time this happened would be…let’s see… two three years back? Back then it was about the whole Breaking- the- Curfew issue. Defiant? Maybe =)

Taking aside the Dad issue, am but delighted. To have Him above as our Painter. am Amazed. no cracks. no flaws. Too surreal? So often we get so caught up in finding The Flaw that we fail to see His Big Picture….

Think all I need is a reason. Something that I believe in. A reason for me to let him go. Have this crazy idea of writing a letter. one of those influential Hollywood cliché goodbye endings. Timothy thinks it’s silly. foolish. downright embarrassin’. and probably an infatuation. for someone whom I hardly knew. somehow you just know. He’s it. Then maybe I’m just being too hopeful. naïve. ignorant. or maybe he has already found his “She’s it”. Or maybe I’m so caught up with that little spark of hope for him that I fail to see His plan for me.…

Then again. Maybe just sounded too optimistically Hopeful =)

Am reading The Five People you meet in Heaven. not a coincidence. Love Mitch’s idea. I quote. All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time. So Maybe.... this May just Be the beginning for a whole new chapter for me. as a grown- up….adult? yeah well... Maybe ; )

heal the Distressee

Today’s The day. But I’m far from being joyful. At the edge of breaking down in tears. again. Can’t describe the magnitude of the Temptation. Running away sure seems like an easy way out of this whole bizarre ..dramatic argument.

Mysteriously lost my mobile phone at work yesterday. Muddleheaded. Careless. Yeah alright but mistakes Do happen. Not to my dad. He’s furious. If only he could be more understanding and forgiving. Just like Him above. But I can’t blame Dad or Him for what has happened. So I guess my Wish for this year would simply be …joyfulness. And probably the consequence of it all would be losing all Important and Unimportant contacts... oh boy.

Antidote for the Distressee

If we keep loving the people around us selflessly and continue to harvest the fields with His seeds, then He will provide it all = )

ordinary plain ol' bagel

Thank Him. Love Him. Didn’t think I could still be part of the musical. Missed first practice plus was Late today. Blame it on the Meeting at The Club. Briefing about The New System took ages. 20 minutes they say. Right. Tick Tock Tick Tock… ..

Didn’t quite understand why they had to change the whole system. Am very comfortable with the Old one. Plus the New one’s Complicated, Un-user-friendly and too much of a hassle. Complaisant and a Dorkhead. Me.

The times He uses us in His Kingdom are the times when we feel the most ordinary.

Cook or be Cooked

Head’s spinnin'. All the last minute invitations. oh boy.there’s still a whole list of never-ending Must-Dos that’s yet to be Done. To be honest, am not looking forward to playing host. Especially this one. Its like a formality. A Must-Have party. A time to tell people you’ve Grown up…finally and thank you for coming. enjoy your food. my life's all good.
yeah alright. Pessimistic. But there’s still some buried stereotypical truth to that. Really….

Grandchild: “ Grandma so what did u do on your 21st ?”
Grandma: “ oh Nothing.”

Now how sad is that.

On a Brighter note, spending the weekend with Weilin, Daryl, Eugene and the rest of the Jinx Gang’s just Great. The word BestEST of friend’s an understatement.

Deciding on The Menu would be tough. Taking into consideration my degrading cooking skills. am flipping pages of “ Cooking Made Easy”. More so if I were to be Cook… Food don’t Normally turn out the way it Should be. I wonder. Then again, Pictures can be deceiving aye ; )


gd ol’ adrenaline bug

The times I knew he's standin' behind me….

“ Don’t look back Cheryl. Don’t you turn your back.”

But I find myself falling. Fallin’ even more. And probably the time when it gets too deep for me to get up….It’ll hurt. It will. I know.

garnishin' with strips of love

Yet again. Many ask what I really really want for my 21st. nothing tangible. Really.
I guess what’s going through my mind is this…

I rather have the pleasure of your company then plainly the presence of gold (silver included ; ).

Sluggish. my little obsession with work’s sucking up all the energy from the lipids I have stored in me. More so, having a malfunctioning circulatory system down at the foot area. Am hoping for a Break next weekend. a must-have =)

Alienating thought
The times when I finally found what I’m looking for and being stripped away from it in an instant.

The bug’s flyin’. Bro’s got high fever. I’ve got the flu. Mum and Dad’s not far away from catching it. Now how sick is that =)

If only I could mail Lumpy a Huge Bear-Hug or own a private jet plane. Its her finals and least I could do is…pray.

Let e Chef do e tossin'

a bouncy tennis ball. Had 14 hours of sweet sheep sleep. No more a drained limping black-eyed mouse. am re-thinking about this whole Working till Sunrise....thing. Deciding between The Bed or Morning Service is a tough and tempting choice to make. I’ll have to admit that playing for morning service became an obligation instead. That I’m guilty.

I believe. the man who died not knowing Him and one who died peacefully in His presence. It may very easily be judged as a typical Sunday Testimony. But how often do we thank Him for inviting us into His Kingdom…seemingly very little I’m afraid.
The Hours we spend gossiping about the people around us and the Seconds taken to fervently invite people to His Kingdom we know. Often we undermine our own ability of sharing His story because of our imperfections.
So believing in ourselves and Him above is our first baby step to make….

darker-side-of- my-mind

i’ll be lying if I said it wasn’t for the money. Part of it is. Love everythin’ about the job ‘cept for the strenuous working hours.
The other side of the coin would be him and my silly fairytale. he was why I ever started. Not a sane reason to begin with. An unhealthy habit of mine. To do things without using my partially unintelligent brain. Sure is easy to toss a coin and not think about the after-math of the side it finally lands on ; )

marinate de possible

Love 'em. Their contagious un-hilarious laughter.Their up-to-somethin’ monkey business. Their never-nothin’ mundane excuses. Their cry-for-somethin’ whiny charade.
And Just when I’m Loving it all, got posted to the other school for Nov'. Diiamz.

Bitter-sweet. Am happy and honored to be serving His kingdom. But skeptical and seriously doubt if I can pull it off. Playing drums for worship. Feel like a tiny and impotent sheep. Oh gosh. Something Derek said all makes simple sense to my partially-unintelligent brain. That is…it didn’t matter who’s playing whatever instruments. The only thing that matters is Who we are playing it for. Him.

Then again, His word is what makes the Impossible, very Possible. Indeed.

Sweet-Sour. Still a stranger to me. Strangely an unspoken attraction towards him. His smile says it all. More Strangely, never failing to be speechless in front of him. Think I know how Shrek feels....least he had a happy ending =)